ugly nappy hair and the wigs

I had intended to write about the second half of You Can't Say You Can't Play this week, and my children's reactions, and their friends' reactions, but something happened this week that I can't seem to get off my mind. So I decided to explore it instead, and try to figure out why it bothers me so much,and if it would have registered as much before these two classes.

Twice a week I work in my son's kindergarten class. I love it. The kid's love it too. It is called readng workbook time. Each child is given a workbook, and they progress through the books at their own pace. It is something that I somewhat rebel against in my anti-kindergarten is the new first grade rants, but the kid's don't have a problem with it. I think in part because they are all working at their own pace. At the end of each page the kids hold up their ruler and the teacher, myself, or the two other mom's come and check how they did, or answer any questions as they come up. Some kids are just figuring out letters, some are coloring in pictures that begin with a certain sound, then they do ending sounds, middle sounds, words and then some kids are reading sentences, some are working on comprehension of what they read, and one little girl is reading chapter books and writing reviews of each chapter. It is a fast paced hour. They really keep us jumping to answer their questions and check their work. Whenever they see me in the halls, or if I drop off my son, or at the bus stop they ask me if it is reading workbook day.

Anyway - some of the pictures they have are difficult to interpret, even for us parents. Some of these pictures we ponder over and wonder what on earth they want the kids to see-- is it a cap or a hat? a rug or a mat? wheat or grass( and how on earth are these city kids supposed to know what wheat looks like? or if it grass why it has seeds at the top?) ? A whip -- why would a kindergartener know what a whip is? And they often interchange the same pictures, but want the kids to identify it as something else, is this picture supposed to be show a boat, a wave or a sail?. I have to say that these books are odd. When I am checking their work and I see something that I think should be colored, or not, I ask the kids what that picture is then go from there.

This past week I was checking a little girls W page. She is African-American, and the only one in the class. When I was going through her page, there was a picture of a head, no face, with long hair flipped up at the ends. I asked her what she thought it was. "Hair" She was right, which is why she didn't color it, it looked like hair and hair doesn't start with a W. I told her I thought they meant for it to be a wig, and did she know what a wig was. She shook her head. I told her it was fake hair, or pretend hair, that people put on when they wanted to dress up, or play pretend, and that it is called a wig. Her face lit up and she said, I know what those are, I wear them all the time.

I asked her if she wore them to play dress up or pretend. She told me no, her mom put them on her when her grandma came over because she needed to cover up her short, ugly, nappy hair. I was stunned. I had no idea what to say. Luckily I didn't need to say anything at the moment, because she just went on. She told me how her mom told her she had the ugliest hair around, and couldn't figure out why it didn't grow, and how she wished it was straighter. She told me how her hair was too short to straigten or braid, except for this part on the back. Then she proceeded to tell me about her three wigs her mom put on her head, depending on who was coming over.

I finally told her that I thought she looked beautiful just the way she was, and that her hair was part of her, so it was beautiful too.

It has bothered me all week. She was so matter of fact about it, cheerful even. Maybe her mom says it to her in a joking, teasing way and so it really isn't that bad. I've tried to think of things we say to our kids in a teasing manner that wouldn't sound that way to an outsider. But then, even if she does mean it in a joking way, there is still the matter of the wigs. It obviously didn't bother Damoneisha, but it bothered me. Why does it bother me more than her? I know virtually nothing about African American hair. Perhaps wearing wigs in very normal, no big deal.

Am I bothered more by the fact that someone doesn't like this little girl's hair, that they told her, that they cover it up, or that she doesn't seem bothered by it. Or am I more bothered by the fact that I don't know how to handle the situation, and that I will probably be faced with many situations that I have no answers to in the future. Or am overreacting, trying to be ultra sensitive to racial differences? Did I handle it ok? Am I showing racial prejudice because I never would have dreamed about putting a wig on a 5 year old to hide her hair?

I have been dwelling on this, and wondering how I should have handled it, or maybe not handled it at all. We talked about cultural differences and accepting those differences, being aware of those differences. I have been thinking this week how little I know about other cultures, other people of different skin colors. We touched on it, in both classes, how there are differences, how not to assume that everyone learns the same, has the same backround, thoughts feelings about things. How to learn. I have always had a hard time asking people personal questions. When do you know it is a big enough matter to ask parents about, or when to let it drop.

This wig thing obviously bothers me more than Damoneisha, so I will let it go, but how do I tell in the future when it is serious enough to pursue. Do I just judge by whether it bothers the child? I think about the recent Mormon issues in Texas, the sect that still practices polygamy and marries off girls at a young age. They don't think there is anything wrong with it. For them it is culturaly acceptable, but for me, it is not. How do I determine the difference between what just bothers me, and what is cultrally acceptable to them, and what is really wrong and needs to be addressed.

I guess wig is a small dilemna compared to facing polygamy and young girls, but the question of when it becomes a teacers job to figure stuff out is going to happen more often I'm sure.