Subbing

It is even hard to get called up for sub jobs right now in the great Northwest. The district I would really like to work at, where my kids go to school, is only accepting sub applicants if you have a special ed, music or PE Endorsement, or secondary math or science endorsements. Most of my fellow graduates that I have talked to haven't heard any information about subbing either.

I decided to be proactive, and went to visit the human resources dept in person to find out what I needed to do to at least get on the sub list. I was prepared to beg, to give them my first born child, offer up my kidney, just to get on the sub list. You think I jest, but with a husband who has been without a job since February, and the teacher job market the way it is, I really want a job. So after talking to the ladies there, I only had to ask and plead a little bit( I think I was I little pathetic so they took pity on me. Amazingly they didn't want my first born or my kidney.) They said if I could get a principal in the district to request an override for me, they would enter me into the system.

Next step -- offering up my kidney or first born to the principal I know the best to see if she would add me. Luckily, she couldn't use either of them , and took pity on my as well. I would love to say that they were all dazzled by my stunning resume, my numerous accomplishments, my inner light shining through, and my desire to teach which made them realize that they just had to have me. However, since I don't have anyone banging down my door to come teach full time for them, I'm thinking not.

So while I still haven't given up hope of getting my own classroom, I am trying to wrap my arms around subbing. Frankly I am terrified. I remember having subs when I was a kid. The stories you hear from your own kids. The jokes, the lack of respect, the pranks... am I tough enough to make sure they listen and respect me? And never knowing what you are going to teach? Not having days or weeks to think out how you are going to present something? Not knowing which kid needs extra help in which area.

So I am doing the same thing I do whenever I have something new in my life that scares me. I am researching it. I have books on subbing requested at the library and at Paperbackswap , i have been looking up websites and reading all sorts of tips I can find. Next I will start asking friends who teach all about subbing. Will educating myself help my fear? Only time will tell.

Being Proactive

I have filled out all the district web applications, but I don't do well just sitting around and waiting for things to happen. I have to be proactive. I spent today driving around to all the elementary schools in my children's district to drop of a letter introducing myself, a resume and copies of my letters of recommendation. I don't know if it will help me at all in the long run, but it makes me feel like I am doing something.

Tonight I have printed up letters to the schools in the next district over and will go deliver them tomorrow.

It is funny how people will tell me " oh you don't want to work at such and such school." What they don't realize is that I would love to work at any school. I want to teach! I want to be a teacher. I want to have my own classroom, my own walls to hang stuff on, my own students to nurture. It doesn't matter to me how old the school is, how strict the principal is, how tough the kids are, how bad their WASL scores are. I want to teach.

Back to School Shopping and Dreaming

I have decided I am like a woman who has just found out she is pregnant. I go out and longingly look at school supplies instead of baby clothes. I look at the stickers and pencils, put them in my cart, reasoning that they will be good for any age. No matter if I get a job teaching first or fifth, I can use stickers and pencils.

Then I move onto books. This one looks good. I can envision future students picking up the books, lovingly looking through it, eagerly reading it, wanting the next book by that author or in that series. But like the woman who doesn't know yet whether to buy the blanket in pink or blue, I put it back on the shelf, because I don't know yet what grade I may get.

I look at storage totes, I could buy those for my future classroom, with the plan of putting pencils and scissors and supplies for the students to share. I look at wall posters, and teacher-type decorations. Should I start a theme? What sort of theme will my future classroom have? Like the new mother's dreams of how to decorate the nursery. Again, she wonders, should I wait until I know whether it is a boy or girl, or decorate in green and yellow? Should I wait till I find out how old, or decorate in sealife or rainforest?

What about furniture? Bookshelves are safe --teachers always need bookshelves right? But what if I don't get that class I am dreaming of? What if I wind up subbing for awhile? Do I want to store bookshelves or desks for a future classroom?

So I buy school supplies for my kids, secretly inhaling the smell of new pencils and crayons, buy some safe school supplies for my future classroom and secrete them away in the garage with the rest of my "saving for when I become a teacher" stuff. I resist buying anything tied to a certain age for now.

August Dread

August is here. The most dreaded and anticipated of times for a hopeful teacher who is searching for employment. All my applications are in. Now comes the waiting. Will they call? Will I get an interview? Will I do ok in an interview, or will I bomb it. Am I what they want? What do they want?

My stomach is in knots and I wonder if it would be better to get an interview or not. Would the rejection be worse if I got an interview and didn't get a job, or if I never even got called.

Then I wonder - what happens in September if I don't get hired. Do I sub? Scares me down to my toenails. Makes me tremble in my boots. Does that scare me more than having my own class? I'm not sure. I'll let you know when I decide.

Searching but not finding

Done. A journey that has taken me two years since I first decided on this path has come to an end. There is momentary joy, relief and pride at being finished. A feeling that I should jump on the tables and do a little happy dance. I DID IT! I AM A TEACHER! I WILL GO FORTH AND CHANGE THE WORLD!

This is short lived. Soon it is replaced by a sense of emptiness. A restlessness that cannot be filled. I wander the house, thinking there must be something I should be doing. A paper to write, a reading to analyze, a lesson plan to research, tests to grade, or study for... something. There is nothing left to do.

I know I need to start applying for jobs, but I wonder "Why Bother?" For anyone not familair with Washington state, there were huge budget cuts in education in the legislature this year. The result of these cuts were RIF(reduction in force) cuts across the state. Even though the federal government economic stimulus has money for education, it won't help the job situation. The money the federal government is giving to the states comes with strings. The money must be used for Title 1 schools and Special Ed. Both of which are great, and need more money, but it doesn't help the cuts in the general education budgets.

No One is hiring. Many first year teachers didn't get their contracts renewed, so they are not counted among the teachers who got RIF notices. Not only are there fewer jobs, but more teachers searching for those same jobs, as teachers whose contracts were not renewed, RIF teachers, and new graduates all vie for same jobs. Add to that, because of hits to peoples 401K's, fewer teachers are retiring.

And thus I procrastinate. I know I should at least try to fill out applications. I know that if I don't apply, I have zero chance of getting hired. I know that they have to have teachers, and that there is always a chance I could get hired. I find it hard to get the energy or desire to fill out applications. I find myself walking the dog, cleaning the house, cleaning out those closets, drawers, cabinets, windows and things that have not been cleaned in ages, all while I should be filling out applications.

Depression is setting in. In talking to my fellow classmates, they are feeling the same way. We are wondering why we spent all this time and money to no avail. We are all starting to freak out a bit. One person gets an interview. All of the rest of us wonder why we weren't called. What did we do wrong? Are we inferior? Are we flawed? Stomach aches, weight gain or loss, nerves, depression, compulsive cleaning, or excessive laying about not doing a thing. We are all a mess. I am a mess.

I am usually such a together person. I see a problem, I figure out a solution, I break it into small parts, and I tackle it. I don't know how to solve this. How do I fix this? It is out of my control. I hate this.

I think of myself fifteen months ago when I started this program. I was so sure I would get a job. I had no doubts. I was confident I would be a great teacher. I knew I would be a success. Now, the economy has kicked me in the gut, and I am down. I don't know how to get myself back up.

Solo Teaching

I have been teaching almost the whole day for a couple of weeks, but I have had my master teacher there. This week is the first time that she has left for significant period's of time. Wow! It is both invigorating and exhausting! I thought I was getting better at the classroom management stuff, but it seems like I am back to square one by myself. They were really pushing buttons today. I feel like I am becoming a grumpy ole meany.

I just read about a new technique in "Tools for Teaching" by Fred Jones. I think of it as the look. You stop, turn your head, then your shoulders, your lower body and lastly your feet. Then you just look at the offending culprit. The trick is to do it very slowly. Take a deep breathe, so you don't tense up,or say anything. It did work, but it took a long time before they realized I was looking at them.

I will let you know if it works long term, or if it is one that fades with over use.

Classes done --student teaching here I come

I am finally done with all my classes. I have to admit to having learned so much this past year. It is hard to believe it has only been a year since I started this program. It is amazing to look back at how naive I was when I started this program. I thought I already had all the knowledge and experience I needed to be able to teach. I thought I could go in and change the world, change the future of children everywhere, become a super teacher straight out of the chute. I now realize how silly I was, how much harder it will be to change one small child, let alone the world.

I have grown a great deal this year, and think I will grow as much in the next three months of student teaching as I have grown the past year in course work.

There are certain areas that I can already tell I need to really focus on. The first is classroom management. In a class with 17 - 2nd grade boys, and only 5 girls, classroom management is a big issue. They are already testing me a bit. I have been experimenting to find a method that works for me.

Techniques I have tried

1. Clapping -The clapping thing doesn't feel comfortable to me.
2. Holding up fingers - The holding up my fingers and waiting for the kids to notice -- well , let's just say I am not patient enough for that.
3. Turning lights out - This works well, but I don't want to have to walk all the way across the room all the time to get their attention.
4. Ringing Bell - Again, this works but I have to walk over to the bell.
5. " Give me five" - I thought this was working all right. I raise my hand, say " give me five" - meaning eyes on me, voices off, ears listening, hands still, feet still-- the kids raise their hand and look at me. However, my MT isn't so sure this is working. She brought me in a bell of my own, like hers. I will have to evaluate this further.

I guess I will need to come up with some more ideas to try.